Why I Sort of Hate Thanksgiving

I’m going to be honest, I don’t really like Thanksgiving. I read so many sappy posts yesterday about people being thankful for this that and the other thing, and yes, we all know you are thankful for your children and families and friends first – they always come first – but my God, I feel like with the advent of social media, Thanksgiving has become another day for people to brag about what they have and it rubs in the faces of people like me, who don’t have.

I have a very small family. VERY SMALL. It’s my daughter, my parents, my sister, and me. I have grandparents who live in Florida that we see once a year, but that’s it. No aunts & uncles, no cousins, nada. There’s a long story behind that – that my parents essentially estranged us from the rest of the family because of petty fights.

I remember Thanksgivings of my childhood when my grandparents and my mother’s sister came with her family, I remember Christmases of piling into the car after breakfast and driving down to my other grandma’s house before she died and spending the day with TONS of family members, because my dad’s side of the family is huge. But, for certain reasons that’s over now.

Now, Thanksgiving dinner feels like any other meal, except with turkey. It’s just my parents, my sister, and me – my daughter spends every Thanksgiving with her dad’s family because I get her on Christmas.

Meanwhile, on Facebook, my friends are sitting down to feasts in filled houses with filled up hearts.

Of course I’m thankful for my family and friends.

But somehow the day just  makes me feel all the little holes in my heart just a little bit more than other days, and that kind of sucks.



Oh, really? I thought you’d want your food cold.

I’m a waitress, and it is my profession of choice at the moment as I try to write books and publish them. I was unemployed for a while last year and applied only for waitressing jobs because I had done it before and liked the work. Sure, there are some big pitfalls to serving food, but to me the benefits outweigh them. The hours and money are decent, and it’s easy, mindless work. Basically I like having a job where I can just go in, get my work done, and go home. There’s no drama involved, and there’s no worry about what I have to have done for the next day or week or month like there was in my last job that stole my soul away for a while.

However, tonight I had a really bad customer that made me question why I do this.

From the moment this man sat down until the moment he left he wanted to complain about something to me, or had some snarky comment. I had to stand around and listen to his crap for what felt like forever and he was holding me  up all night.

I went up to this man and asked him what he wanted to drink and said “Coffee – but only if it’s hot.”

Same with his food… “It better be hot,” he said.

And I’m like, “No shit. Do you think people come in here asking for tepid coffee and luke warm food?”

Sometimes people say the dumbest things, and I can’t fathom sometimes why miserable people who are so full of complaints even go out to eat in restaurants. Sometimes I think they come out to eat just so they can treat a waitress badly and get a rise out of my misery.

I prevailed in the end, because somehow in the midst of all our shortcomings at the restaurant, he found it within himself to tip me well. Or perhaps he knows that I charge a personal asshole fee to certain customers.

Who knows? I’m just glad this night is over and that Thanksgiving (and an extra day off) is tomorrow.


Blogging Intentions for the Year Ahead

The daily post today asks us what our goals are for the new year (because it’s never to early to set goals for ourselves.) This is true – goal setting is something that I do often even though I often fail. Failing at goals is sort of my thing, and yet I like to keep setting them – I like to always have something to reach for.

But, I am set in my ways and I save all of my yearly resolutions for December 31st. Today, I am going to think about my blogging goals and intentions. I like using “intentions” better than the word “goals” for some reason.  “I intend to do these things…” sounds better in my head than “I am setting a goal to…” even if they mean pretty much the same thing. Maybe it’s because I think goals are something we strive toward and intentions are some things that we carry with us all the time.

So, I just started this blog yesterday but I have another blog that I write under my real name that sort of disappoints me when it comes to the intentions I once had for it.

I am not going to lie, I want blog followers – I want readers. More than anything, I want a COMMUNITY. I feel very alone in my “real life” and when I come online I find a whole new world of people, and yet even online I’ve never really found myself a community, I’ve never found myself a part of anything real because I myself have never been real. I’ve always glossed over the bad parts of life, and I want to leave that all behind.

So, without further rambling, here are my blogging goals for the next calendar year:

  • To post at least every other day. Here’s a little secret: I’ve tried blogging daily a few times and it’s never worked. The farthest I got was 95 days in, and then I went on vacation and just stopped for a week. One of my New Years resolutions WILL be to blog daily, because it’s a resolution every year, and every year I fail. But one of these days, I WILL PREVAIL!
  • To get 200 blog followers on WordPress: 200 may seem like a low number to a lot of you, but I’ve been blogging for three years on my other blog and only just reached 100 blog followers. So, to double my readership in less than half the time is a pretty big deal to me.
  • To write honest, true posts as a fucking rule. If my day sucked, you are going to know about it. No more glossing over the bad things (of which there are a lot) so you get some sort of sparkly version of what my life is like. Cause it’s not sparkly.
  • To engage in the community: In the past, I have not been a good blog commenter, but that is changing now. I will comment the shit out of your posts, and I will comment back to you.
  • I will do my best to always be kind: Like I said, you’ll know when I’m pissed off, and I will probably rant like a mofo on certain topics that get me particularly riled up. I have this tendency to not be tactful. I feel like the connection between brain and mouth is thin with this one, if you know what I mean, and I often insult and offend people when I really don’t mean to. So, I’ll do my best to be myself without offending anyone. Tell me, I can’t be the only one with this problem, right?

Five little goals, they look so small here on this little blog post, but think about what your goals mean to you, no matter how big or small they are. If I can accomplish these things in the next year – If I could finally, FINALLY challenge myself to blog daily and keep up with it – that would be mind blowing to me.

What are your blogging goals for the coming year?

10 Things About Me You Should Know

  1. I like lists. Expect a lot of list posts, because they are easy to read and write and are often superior when it comes to blogging.
  2. I’m over 30, but under 32. Turning 30 hit me hard and will probably come up a lot – my state of being OLD.
  3. I have a daughter who will be eight next month. I WILL HAVE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD NEXT MONTH. That is scary to me, that time has gone by so fast and my little Squid will be so biggy.
  4. I am a writer. I write novels in my spare time, just for fun. I haven’t published anything yet, but I have sworn that 2014 will be the year that I publish my first novel. Let’s see how that goes, shall we?
  5. I’m also a waitress. That’s my day job. I word in a diner type of restaurant on the evening shift. It makes for great blog fodder, I swear.
  6. I am very liberal and don’t get along well with conservative folk.
  7. I am not religious and often get a giggle out of religious folk.
  8. I’m a blogger, and a mom, but not a mom blogger (so far in my life, anyway, because nothing scares me more than writing about my child online so that the judgement of the blogosphere can be brought down upon me.)
  9. That’s a lie, the thing I am most afraid of is spiders.
  10. I really really REALLY love blog comments. They totally make my day. Getting a blog comment is like finding a five dollar bill on the ground ALL THE TIME.

Oh Yay, A New Blog

I’ve been saving Janie Doh for when I really needed her. We can get that out of the way right now, my name isn’t really Janie Doh. Wouldn’t that be ridiculous? I am sure that there are some real Jane Doh’s out there, or even possibly some actual Jane Does. But me? I’m just a girl who doesn’t want to share her real name, I’m just a girl who wants a place to write freely and honestly and not worry that my mom or my friends are looking into my little life and worrying about me because of all the crazy you might begin to see here pretty soon.

Yeah, yeah, another anonymous blogger. How original. But you know, I think some of my favorite bloggers are ones who write under fake names that they made up for the same reason I did – because they want to be able to be honest on the internet and not hide any of the things they want to say.

Today though, I don’t have anything too profound. Really, I live a very boring life and maybe that is one reason why I don’t want to write on my real blog anymore – because it’s so boring, and it’s really hard to act like it’s not when people I know are reading.

Don’t you hate that about blogging? The last thing I want is for someone I know “in real life” to come up to me and ask me about something I’ve said on my blog. It’s the absolute pits. It’s like people think I am trying to have this fake self online, when really all I want to do is be authentic and true and just feel like I can’t.

So, a new blog. I do this all the time, I swear, but hopefully this time will be more fun.