I Am A Reluctant Mother

omegamomiconbigAlpha moms. You know the type. They are the ones who stay at home or work from home to be with their children, and yeah, they probably do all of those crunchy things like cloth diaper and make their own baby food before they start homeschooling and teaching their kids Japanese at the age of fourteen months. Because that’s all normal, right?

Yes, yes it is. It’s normal for some people. Parenting style, like personal fashion sense, is all a matter of opinion and choice. I don’t believe there is one right or wrong way to parent as long as methods aren’t abusive, but my goodness gracious moms of the world, give me a break.

I am an Omega Mom. Do you know what that is? Well, then we are in the same boat because I just made it up. I am the opposite of an Alpha Mom, is what I am trying to say. I am a reluctant mother.

You see, unlike so many women who are parents, I didn’t exactly want to be a mother. I found myself knocked up after a fling with a guy I barely knew when I was twenty-two years old, and though I considered all of my options, I just decided that I couldn’t go through with an abortion and putting the child up for adoption was something I thought I could handle even less than vacuuming out my uterus. So, I had my daughter, Squid. Reluctantly.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my little Squido and loved her from the minute she was born, but certainly there have been times in my life where I go so far as to wish I had made a different choice, as hard as that is to say, it’s the truth. And for the record, I am not saying it to make people angry, I am saying it to be honest and open up the door for anyone else to be honest if they need to be here. I know how hard it is to admit things that other people can take such easy offense to.

I don’t know what things used to be like, but I feel like it is so hard to be a mother these days, with the media and just so many people watching and judging ALL THE TIME. I feel like I can’t go to the supermarket with the Squid without getting the side-eye a few times from people who peek into my cart and see that I’m buying her not just Pop Tarts, but Lucky Charms, too! I can’t drop her off at school without worrying if I checked every inch of her to make sure her clothes and face are clean from breakfast. I worry that people are judging me when the Squid and I don’t show up to all the mommy & me events in town (because I just can’t bear being around some of those other moms) and for god’s sake, yes, sometimes all we both want is an entire Sunday in front of the television with no educational opportunities whatsoever.

You know what? My kid will live. And since I am not pouring every ounce of my own personal energy into making sure her days are jam packed with enriching educational activities and home cooked organic meals, I will live, too, and not go insane and end up strapped to a bed in our comfortable (and unfortunately familiar) local mental hospital.

How do you identify you parenting style? Are you an Alpha, an Omega, or somewhere in the middle of the road?

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5 thoughts on “I Am A Reluctant Mother

  1. katebortell says:

    Well it sounds to me as if you are doing a perfectly good job as a mom. You said you love her. End of story. That love will cause you to protect her, teach her ( even if you think youre not) and show her how to love also. You do not need to worry about others. They are probably not judging as much as you think anyway. People these days are way too consumed with themselves to worry quite so much about others. I think youre awesome. You had your little girl when you were faced with a pretty rough road ahead. Just love her. Everything else will fall into place!!! :)))

    • Oh my god, thank you. I wish that everyone thought like you – that loving is the end of the story. I love her I love her I love her…. but dammnit, no, I don’t want to play the Allowance Game right now! Know what I mean?

      • katebortell says:

        Of course i do. Lol. Just make your decisions in your lives out of love and watch how everything comes together. Yay you!

  2. I hear you, sister. I was also dragged into the mommy game kicking and screaming. And that does not take away one bit from how much I love Little Dude.

    But, damn! First of all, at 10, he’s a walking advertisement for birth control. And second, No I have no interest in playing Minecraft, or hearing about minecraft, or anything to do with minecraft.

    And the PTO is managed by a bunch of Nazis. Stop bugging me to volunteer. I have better things to do with my time. like drink wine and drink another glass.

    I don’t want to “parent.” I want to tell him to calm the eff down, or I will send him to his room for the rest of his life! Or at least the rest of the day, where he is right now. Which is the only reason I’m getting to write this.

    I work constantly to provide for him. I love him to pieces and tell him constantly. Must I make a styrofoam reindeer with him on this perfect Sunday morning? I think not.

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