Focus On You

 Living life on auto-pilot can feel disorienting and dull. How did you cultivate a life worth loving during 2013? How can you turn off your auto-pilot button in 2014? – #Reverb13

reverb13How did I cultivate a life worth loving? Ha! Ha! Bahahahahahaha!!

Unfortunately I didn’t cultivate a life worth loving this year, but I’m working on it, week by week with the skills I learn in therapy, I’m working on loving life. Right now I just try to get through the days without crying, and I’ve been doing really good at that lately.

I feel hopeful as this year is coming to an end, this year that started out so badly for me. I know I won’t look back at 2013 with fondness.

I do auto-pilot through the days. I don’t like to dwell on that fact, but it does help to get through them, just going through the motions and doing what has to be done with the most minimal of effort, because I just don’t have the energy for more.

Anxiety drains me. Panic grips me and panic is sometimes the highlight of my day because it means I’m at least feeling something through all the banal dullness of my life.

It’s never as pretty as it seems on the other side, you know.

But I’ve learned some things. Mindfulness. It helps.

Remind yourself that there are beautiful things in life. Smell the flowers at the grocery store. Take a hot bath. Read a book for as long as you want and don’t let anything interrupt you.

Focus on you.

That’s how I got through 2013. I paused the auto-pilot for a few minutes here and there and opened up for something better, and I let the better in.

It’s something you can do too, you know. It helps.

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One thought on “Focus On You

  1. Kat McNally says:

    Sometimes, auto-pilot is survival mode. Sometimes, we need that numbness just to get through.
    Mindfulness is a beautiful way to coax ourselves out to play. x

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