Is it Bedtime?

I keep nodding off on the couch, so what do I do? No, I don’t go to bed, I prop my eyes open and pick up my laptop so I can blog!

Yes, something seems wrong with that.

So, it’s been thirty-one days of straight blogging. Yay for me! I wish I had participated in NaBloPoMo so I could have had comrades on this daily post journey, but I came too late for that party.

It turns out, blogging every day is hard for me. It’s hard to come up with good, engaging posts each day, especially in the last week or so. Either life gets in the way, life is so boring there’s nothing to report, or I just don’t feel like it. Those are my main excuses for having a hard time. But, hard time, cop outs or not, I still blogged every day this month. I still got er done.

I think that I would benefit from having a set blog schedule, writing good posts ahead of time, and doing more challenges.

Also, I need to take better care of myself and get more sleep. I’m never very good at the sleeping like a normal person thing.

And now, with great dread and resentment… we face February.


Need to Read

readreadreadI’m putting this there to remind me that I need to read more, because I haven’t been doing much of that lately.

I need to read more books, I need to read more blogs (and comment on them, for god’s sake, I’m sorry). I just need to read more. I forget, in the days that go by without reading, how easy it can be at other times to slip into a good book for hours and get carried happily away. I suppose I just need to be in the right mood or mind frame for it.

Alas, this isn’t one of those times. Still watching Supernatural, and totally going to eat some ice cream. But it’s Skinny Cow, and those aren’t that bad for you. Right?

A Supernatural Addiction.

Fun fact about me: I’m a hardcore television watcher. I’m not the kind of person who sits in front of the TV all day flipping through cable channels and watching whatever is on. I actually don’t even have cable, just Netflix streaming. I am, let’s say, a hardcore show fan. When I get into something, I get REALLY into it, and I often watch it twice. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen all of LOST, The West Wing, and Jericho. And all of the available seasons of The Walking Dead, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The X-Files. Don’t even get me started on The X-Files.

Anyway, all this time has gone by in my life and I haven’t watched Supernatural. There is just so much great TV out there to watch (and watch again) that I just hadn’t gotten around to trying it. But I found myself last week with nothing new to watch and thought I would give it a whirl, and now I am totally hooked and can’t stop watching it and have already watched three and a half seasons in a week. Because right now it’s all I do. I just can’t stop. Because this:

samwinchesterAnd OMG this:

deanwinchesterDon’t get me wrong – like everything in life, there are a bunch of things that really annoy me about this show. I hear there are as many Supernatural haters as fans out there. It took me a while to warm up to Sam and Dean because I thought they were “over acting” and just too extra dramatic about things, but three seasons plus in, I get a feel that this is just the way these guys are. They have their depth, too, and their own separate story lines are really interesting.

I also really kind of think that being able to shoot a ghost with a gun is kind of lame. In my own supernatural fantasies I don’t see using a gun against my enemies. It seems like a cop out, but maybe it’s also because I just don’t like guns. Sure, maybe the show is trying to be revolutionary in that way, but I just don’t buy it.

I like the way that the show is like X-Files in that there is a main story line for each character that continues throughout the show, but that the show is also peppered with standalone episodes. Some of the episodes are really fucking scary – scary enough to surprise me that there were things this scary on TV in 2008-2009 range before American Horror Story came along. And, some of the episodes are hilariously funny – also like The X-Files.

Well, I need to get back to paying attention to the Winchester brothers now, so I hope you enjoyed my little review of Supernatural. I think that if you are a fan of The X-Files or Buffy, you would really enjoy this show.


A Better Day

I had a better day today, when I finally rolled out of bed at one in the afternoon. That’s one of those things with me and depression – sometimes when I have nothing else to do I just sleep. I don’t TRY to be active or productive and do anything, I just stay in bed all day. This is probably not good for my overall health and sleep cycle, because I’m always up until midnight or one in the morning no matter what, and I know that I’m not probably getting enough sleep on a normal basis because of that.

But, I’m a night owl and I always have been and probably always will be. You have to drag my ass out of bed in the morning if god forbid I have to wake up before the sun rises, and there have been times when I’ve gotten up early and actually felt sick to my stomach and disoriented because of it. Like all of high school, for example.

Squido’s parent-teacher conference was today. That’s usually something I dread – meetings with teachers and her support staff. Squido has Pervasive Developmental Disorder and ADD. She used to have terrible behavioral problems and actually repeated kindergarten because she just hadn’t figured out how to get along with the other kids and behave in a classroom yet. It was terrible.

Now though, she is doing well in school, with her lowest grade an 83%, which I’m proud of, because I know she works a lot harder than all the other kids for her grades.

The theme of the meeting was: she doesn’t pay attention and she is very slow-going with her work. Well, duh, we do homework with her, we know this. It’s like pulling teeth to get homework done sometimes, and I honestly dread the chore of doing homework with her. I don’t know how homeschooling parents do it.

After the meeting I went to Jill’s and we had a Hell’s Kitchen marathon and then her boyfriend cooked a delicious dinner. I bought a pie for dessert but no one wanted it before I left so I took it home and now I fear I am going to eat the whole thing by myself. It’s apple crumb – my favorite – and it’s so delicious.

Therefore, I am going to watch more Supernatural, and probably eat another little piece of pie. Nom nom.

Sometimes I Feel So…


All I can’ think about is what I am going to write next – and thinking about it, and thinking about it – and not actually WRITING it because I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know where it goes or what it means. I just see little flashes of scenes and characters in my mind and I jot them down in a notebook and go back to daydreaming while I spend hours of my day online reading about other authors who have already published their own books and are living my dream.

It doesn’t exactly do much for the old mental health problems of mine – feeling this way, so stuck and stunted creatively, it’s very hard for me. It makes me have feelings of worthlessness that don’t coincide with a good day, so I haven’t had many good days lately, and so it goes.

But, on the other hand, I’ve also been spending too much time at home on this couch, alone. I haven’t been spending as much time with friends as I usually do – I haven’t been reaching out. I have to remind myself that interacting with other humans is important in the grand scheme of things – that’s what makes a life.

Work was good today, having coffee with Jill was great today, that BBQ chicken and mashed potatoes that I had for dinner was amazing today. Today was a good day. And now this task is done and I am getting back to watching yet another episode of Supernatural because after ignoring it for the last eight or so years I finally started watching it and now I can’t stop. So, more on that later.