In my little world, I’m a zero, I am a nobody. I’m single, I don’t have a lot of friends, I’m straight up POOR, I’m overweight, and I’m just a waitress. To anyone looking at me from the outside, that’s all I am, and it isn’t much.
This is why Janie Doh was born.
I have been a blogger since the days of Livejournal when I was in high school (that’s over thirteen years ago, FYI), but for all of that time I was a scared blogger. I never felt comfortable sharing my true self to people who I knew personally, because I always thought so little of myself, and I never really thought that anything I wrote online – whether it be a blog post or a piece of fiction – was worth reading.
I have a problem seeing and feeling my own worth, is what I am trying to say. I see the negative parts of myself and seem to block out any of the good parts, not feeling like the good parts are real. It’s a terrible affliction, having no self confidence or sense of self worth. It’s part of depression, which I suffer from daily, which is a constant battle in my life and has been for some time.
But, in my own mind, I am a hero.
Because I am a writer who creates worlds.
My strings of words are bridges that carry me to other people, my sentences are limbs reaching out to you – to YOU – to anyone who will listen.
I created this blog to let my hero shine through.
Janie Doh is the girl who lives inside me, the smart, tough, capable and lovable one who no one has ever seen. She’s funny and brash, honest to a fault, and completely bat-shit insane. She laughs maniacally as she cuts herself in front of you and bleeds her words onto pages, for she demands to be seen. Her head is full of stories and dreams and I bet if you stick around, you could get lost in them.
I am already lost in Janie. I am already enchanted by the wide open possibilities of letting Janie speak.
What will it feel like to be totally honest about how I feel and who I am?
This post was written for the Worpress’s Zero to Hero: 30 Days to a Better Blog.
I am committed to blogging daily this year, which is great, because every time I come to the this space donning Janie’s shoes I feel more like a hero than a zero.
To anyone reading and commenting: THANK YOU. You make me feel good. Thank you for that.