The Snow Can Kiss My A**

I had to go in to work today even though it was snowing like crazy right around the time I had to go in. I made it there by four o’clock, after cleaning off my car in four inches of snow that I just ignored – there was no way I was going to shovel my porch and around my car before going in to work and getting all wet and cold. Fuck that. I hate the snow.

Work sucked. At first we were totally dead so the other girl who was working with me tonight went home and I was left alone to wait on whoever came in and do all the sidework before closing. It turned out to be moderately busy, I made okay money for the effort and time I put into it, and honestly, sometimes it’s much better to work alone and do more work than it is to work with someone you don’t particularly like.

Anyway, I’m glad that’s over.

Bad news is, someone told me tonight that we are supposed to get twelve or more inches of snow on Wednesday and then a Nor’easter over the weekend that could dump, like, feet of snow. Of course, both of those days I have to work, and of course, I damn sure will be expected in on time, regardless of the snow.

northandsouthsnowI wish this weren’t my life – this having to deal with snow on a regular basis.

If I didn’t have to share the Squido with her dad, I swear I would have been out of here years ago. Connecticut isn’t for me. It’s a terrible climate in my opinion, because I don’t care for all the seasons. I particularly hate winter, as you are probably starting to realize.

I think Southern California is where I want to settle when I’m older, if I can. When the Squido is all done with high school and hopefully goes to college, then I will feel free to roam.

Until then, I’ll keep you posted on whether I get buried alive in snow. Since FEET of it are coming. Dang it.

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Happy Freakin’ Holidays

I’ve been avoiding the internet for the last week and a half, tired of seeing all the Christmas posts that remind me over and over that I don’t really like Christmas all that much. I suppose I would like it if I had some money to spend on gifts for people, but really all it does is stress me out and remind me of how little I have. I’m not just talking about material things – I feel very alone at Christmas, too. I don’t have “that special someone” to share the holidays with, and I have a very small family so the day is always quiet.

Also, today is my daughter’s birthday. She’s eight today. Yeah, I had a Christmas baby, whoopdee freaking doo. People have a lot of things to say about that – I don’t really have much to say at all, except I feel bad for her because I feel like she got gypped out of having a special day for herself. Though, she’s eight now and doesn’t really seem to mind.

I don’t know why I came to post today – maybe to break the silence, maybe to say HELP ME I’M DROWNING IN CHRISTMAS SORROW.

There must be other people out there who just don’t really like the holidays, right?

Six Things That Suck

#Reverb13? I can’t even right now. I abandoned the internet for almost a week because I couldn’t face logging on to WordPress and writing posts that rip out my heart reflecting over the past year – the year that sucked more than any other year.

I have nothing positive to say today.

On my old blog I did a weekly practice called Grace in Small Things where I would list five things I was grateful for that week. Sounds nice, right? So why is it that half the time I was thinking about what to write in those posts I was coming up with things that I was UNgrateful for?

At any rate, here are six things that (in my humble opinion) suck big ol’ donkey butt:

1. Kids that don’t listen. Seriously. Every parent has had that moment when they are standing in a roomful of people repeating over and over: “Put on your coat. Put on your coat. Put on your coat now!” and your kid is just doing anything BUT put their coat on, up to and probably including laughing at your vain effort to get them to just do what you say. I had to deal with this last night when I was leaving my friend C’s house, so it’s fresh and nasty in my mind.

2. Fucking depression. It sucks. It makes me curse a lot and write blog posts in list form because I am just too messed up in my little head to write a coherent blog post about how I’ve barely left the house for a week and all I’ve done with my time is watch five season’s of Grey’s Anatomy and crochet an entire blanket, a scarf, and about 1/3 of another blanket.

3. Psychotic Grandmothers. My little Squido’s grandmother (not my mom, the baby daddy’s mom) CUT SQUID’S HAIR this weekend. Herself. Not at a salon, but in her bathroom. It’s. Totally. Butchered. And of course I didn’t have time to take her to a salon so I had to send my poor kid to school today with a shitty haircut, and the worst part of it is, Squid thinks her new cut is awesome. She’s wrong.

4. Snow. I just hate snow. I know there are a lot of people out there who get all jazzed up and Oooo it’s so beautiful, but no. Snow, for me, is hell. It is not a fucking winter wonderland. We had a few inches of wet, slushy snow dumped on us on Saturday and then last night what was left of it froze over and turned my porch and driveway into a sheet of ice. I expect a fall.

5. When you run out of yarn. This could be a metaphor for all artists, but I am running out of yarn for the project I am working on and that’s just so annoying when you think you bought enough for your project to begin with. Artists run out of paint, musicians run out of energy, writers run out of words. It’s a thing that sucks, I think.

6. The chocolate in Candy Crush. Notice that I didn’t say Candy Crush sucks. I am a total convert addict to this game, the game I vowed to never play because I have seen so many people become addicted and be ridiculous getting so mad at their phones. But then, one day I dove in and downloaded the app and I’m hooked. I’m relatively new to the game, so I’m only on level 57. Now, as soon as I took the train into the Minty¬† Mountains, I’ve been experiencing this new phenomenon of chocolate that grows luck a fucking fungus and totally messes up my game. What is this shit?!?!

Sorry folks, I’ve had a bad week.. and what are blogs for if you can’t bitch and complain on them?

Why I Sort of Hate Thanksgiving

I’m going to be honest, I don’t really like Thanksgiving. I read so many sappy posts yesterday about people being thankful for this that and the other thing, and yes, we all know you are thankful for your children and families and friends first – they always come first – but my God, I feel like with the advent of social media, Thanksgiving has become another day for people to brag about what they have and it rubs in the faces of people like me, who don’t have.

I have a very small family. VERY SMALL. It’s my daughter, my parents, my sister, and me. I have grandparents who live in Florida that we see once a year, but that’s it. No aunts & uncles, no cousins, nada. There’s a long story behind that – that my parents essentially estranged us from the rest of the family because of petty fights.

I remember Thanksgivings of my childhood when my grandparents and my mother’s sister came with her family, I remember Christmases of piling into the car after breakfast and driving down to my other grandma’s house before she died and spending the day with TONS of family members, because my dad’s side of the family is huge. But, for certain reasons that’s over now.

Now, Thanksgiving dinner feels like any other meal, except with turkey. It’s just my parents, my sister, and me – my daughter spends every Thanksgiving with her dad’s family because I get her on Christmas.

Meanwhile, on Facebook, my friends are sitting down to feasts in filled houses with filled up hearts.

Of course I’m thankful for my family and friends.

But somehow the day just  makes me feel all the little holes in my heart just a little bit more than other days, and that kind of sucks.