I Guess I’m Beautiful?


I don’t often look in mirrors. Therefore, I am sometimes that gross person who goes into work with toothpaste smeared somewhere on my face. Even when I am brushing my teeth or brushing my hair, I don’t often LOOK at myself – because I don’t want to.

I know what’s there. I know what my body is. If you look at the picture above mine resembles the one second from the left the most. The biggest one. But she’s beautiful, right? Look at those boobs, that hair, that smile on her face.

I know what’s there, but often I forget it.

I remember myself, and think and refer to myself, as my self at the pre-baby weight. I gained an awful lot of weight after having Squido – over fifty pounds. I went from a size twelve to a size twenty, and even after years of being fat, I am still adjusting to looking at myself in the mirror.

I don’t have a full length mirror at home. I don’t see the point in getting one. I don’t care much about fashion and I sure don’t want to look at myself in the mirror every day.

So, when I catch my reflection somewhere – in a window or a door, or god forbid an actual mirror – I am shocked by what I see.

I don’t see ME.

I see a fat person.

Does that make sense to you? Because I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my body image is so skewed that I actually FORGET how big I am, and what I look like to other people.

Guys, I need to lose weight. Seriously.

I’ve been thinking of rejoining Weight Watchers, because I know it works, but sadly the one thing holding me back is that I am too broke this week to go out and do a big I’M DIETING NOW! grocery shopping trip. Because don’t we all know it, being healthy is kind of expensive, and I am poor.

But enough, Janie, enough with the excuses. Something has to be done.

I’m linking this up with today’s Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror.