All I can’ think about is what I am going to write next – and thinking about it, and thinking about it – and not actually WRITING it because I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know where it goes or what it means. I just see little flashes of scenes and characters in my mind and I jot them down in a notebook and go back to daydreaming while I spend hours of my day online reading about other authors who have already published their own books and are living my dream.
It doesn’t exactly do much for the old mental health problems of mine – feeling this way, so stuck and stunted creatively, it’s very hard for me. It makes me have feelings of worthlessness that don’t coincide with a good day, so I haven’t had many good days lately, and so it goes.
But, on the other hand, I’ve also been spending too much time at home on this couch, alone. I haven’t been spending as much time with friends as I usually do – I haven’t been reaching out. I have to remind myself that interacting with other humans is important in the grand scheme of things – that’s what makes a life.
Work was good today, having coffee with Jill was great today, that BBQ chicken and mashed potatoes that I had for dinner was amazing today. Today was a good day. And now this task is done and I am getting back to watching yet another episode of Supernatural because after ignoring it for the last eight or so years I finally started watching it and now I can’t stop. So, more on that later.